Thursday, November 30, 2006
Maturity

Here's one of the many things running around in my mind right now: is immaturity (or maturity, on the flip side) a choice, or is it somehow involuntary?

Once again, this is relevant to guys in my class. But it goes for some of the girls too. (This includes me, for the record).

People keep saying, "Oh, they'll grow up eventually" but when is that? Maybe they have already passed the stage of maturity and are still (for some reason) choosing to remain immature and make themselves look foolish...because "it's more fun this way. You can't have as much fun when you're mature." (This is an actual quote from someone.)

It amazes me that 15 and 16 year old young men (ahem...I suppose I should use the term "boys") can be so childish. Mentally, I believe they really are 15 and 16 year old young men...somewhere. But on the outside, they may as well be six.

And while I'm talking about them acting like they're six I am generalizing and stereotyping and perhaps even prejudging them. Do I really know them? When I speak with some of them one on one I can see that there is a lot more to them than meets the eye. But how foolish of me, how childish of me to do this! How can I expect them to be mature and pull it together if I can't even do so?

Last Sunday Josh (Neudorf) spoke at church for a while, and he blew me away. He spoke with such clarity and maturity. I could identify with most of what he said, because I had been there as well. He reminded me a lot of myself. And he reminded me to remain passionate and on fire for God (which is what I am trying to do).

But why is this so hard? I want God as #1 in my life and I'm having such a hard time keeping him there right now. It is definitely taking more effort than before...but I need that. If it wasn't hard, I don't think there could be an award as amazing as there is.

Some other stuff is really bothering me right now too...with some certain people I guess. I don't want to see them take the wrong path...and it scares me because just last night I think I caught a glimpse of what could happen to them somehow.

But I don't know. I'm just going on about nothing. Because I have everything in the world to say, but I can't get it onto paper. Can't put it into words. Which is strange, because this is usually so natural for me. Right now, the muse is gone, and I just can't write.

Labels: Rant