Monday, May 05, 2008
Painting

This is a poem my friend wrote for English class...I think it is so lovely, so I decided to share it with you. I wish you could hear it read outloud, it's so much more effective, but for now, take some time and soak up the truth of the words.

Painting
I’m drowning in red.
Can no one see I’m coughing? I’m choking.
I barely breathe.

And then I draw,
I’m moved.
Slowly, cautiously at first.
Allowing the tomato coloured paste to ooze from me.
It feels good, it feels familiar
And I begin to rest in this motion,
In this colour.

Suddenly it begins again,
That violent shake I’m sure I’ve felt before.
I’m dabbed, my body is throbbed again.
I’m losing too much red.
I was fond of this color!
I liked it as it sat here on me,
I got used to the smooth flow of its texture across my limbs.

Swiftly I’m moved off the page.
I feel like I’m free falling,
And for a moment I forget my newfound self pity.
I’m plunged into water so cold that my lungs feel as though they might implode.
It hurts again.
For goodness sake,
What could this torment possibly be good for?
I catch myself asking that question over,
And over,
And over.

The water rushes through me, past me,
I’m sloshed, swished, slammed up against glass walls.
The comfortable crimson is being stripped from every gape in my body.
Every trace of that former rouge is firmly rinsed
As I pray for oxygen.

I feel the beat of my motion,
And in a fleeting moment I question the origin of this madness.
There must be a purpose.
Who is holding me firmly with my head under water like this?

Finally, I’m up out of that prison.
Rid of that uncomfortable place,
But I know this isn’t over.
I’m dipped slowly into green and brought to the page,
Again I give of this color I wear.
I add to the vague memory of my prior colour,
My former struggle with that crimson shade.
With hesitation I allow the emerald to seep deep into the page
And off of my body.

I begin to feel something beautiful.
It grips me by the throat and sings to my blood shot eyes.

This must be beauty
This must be grace
This must be forgiveness
This must be meaning and purpose.
I can hardly breathe as the artist lets me glimpse
At the life he has been creating.

It is only for a moment and the image is gone.
The illustration slowly fades from my memory..
…I don’t mind.
I am captivated by the thoughts of the Beholder,
The One creating raw life and loveliness.
This must be peace.

An astounding relief washes warm over me,
I am learning not to fear.
I will encounter cold water again and again,
And the colours still awaiting application.
I remain in anticipation of the unknown.
For now I must simply trust in my position as the tool…
and not as the Beholder.

Labels: Poetry, Spiritual Life

Saturday, January 19, 2008
Silence

Hello friends; it's been a while. I want to share something from my favourite poet in the world (Bradley Hathaway!) with you:

Silence

What’s happening here?
I was once so alive and now I’m so full of dread and almost dead
Show me your wounded head that has lead to communion with the father
But where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day but I’m trying so hard to steer his way
Yet still lonely and confused on this cold, hard ground I lay

Speak to me wise mouth and say:
“it’s all good kid, it’s nothing that you did, and though it feels like I’m not here with you right now just be still and silent and listen for that sound..
Shhh..
Did you hear it?
Listen again.
Did you hear it?
That silent voice that just spoke nothing, that is me, I’m listening to your plea with open ears Counting all your tears flowing from your irritated eyes
Searching the skies looking for that hope that beyond there lies.

Oh you young worrisome sparrow, find rest
Lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest
No strong cold wind could ever blow and carry you from this your home
Look around, see the life shooting up from the ground
Spring colors springing fourth and celebration of your trusting

It’s a constant process this is
Growing you into the person you are to become
But when you sense the setting of the sun know it is only rising and has just begun
Now go forth, sing songs of faith, and lift up others in the midst of this race
And if you can’t keep the pace or lose sight of my face
Know that I’m always near so you need not fear
But don’t worry about all that right now
Just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence
When I am silent I am listening, and not abandoning.

That is a beautiful vision.

Labels: Poetry, Random, Spiritual Life

Friday, January 05, 2007
Short and Untitled

They say that sometimes you are farther than the moon
and sometimes you are closer than my skin.
Indeed, I remember back when you were closer than my skin;
Those were the evenings spent alone with you in bliss,
Those were the mornings when you awoke me by a gentle kiss;
And these are the evenings when I sit alone and wish and reminisce,
and these are the mornings when I wake to an alarm clock after falling asleep with the hurting thought:
Why have you forsaken me?

Labels: Lyrics, Poetry

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Getting Over the Past Part II: Falling Out of Love

coming to terms with myself
no more regrets
100% assurance
of faith, of salvation
I won't be left behind
by you or Him
He loves me
and you don't
i see that now
i am beautiful
and He loves me
you can't take it away
and i know that it will stay
if i fall out of love with you.



.



I'm happy...

Labels: Poetry

Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Invisible Girl (Reply)

Well, there is one person out there who this is for, and she knows who she is. 'Cuz really, it's just slightly obvious.

You said that you feel invisible at school, but when it comes to youth you fit in perfectly. For me, it's opposite. I feel totally invisible at our church sometimes, especially at youth. It's like I just don't fit in or something. Actually, sometimes I feel invisible at school too.

The only time I feel that I have a voice is when I'm focused on my music, using it to worship God. When I sing I feel free. It's the one time I am finally in control of anything that happens with me. I get to choose that high note to hit. I get to pick which chords to strum. I get to write the lyrics without anyone else deciding how the melody should go. The rest for me is a ride.

But no one has ever really heard me sing.

.

That's my problem.

.

So I guess until they do hear me sing, see me in my element, no one will ever really know me but God. And I will continue to be the invisible girl. Which, admittedly, is sometimes okay with me. But only sometimes.

I long to have a deep relationship with someone on this planet. I want to tell someone all my secrets, all my thoughts, where I'm at with God: everything! But I just can't. I'm misunderstood, misread, and sometimes misled. And even my pathetic cry for friendship can't break down the walls that cliques have built. Walls that have caused lost friendship and hurt.

COLOR ME LONELY

Color me lonely
A deep and dark blue
There's nothing to say now
There's nothing to do

There aren't any words
To tear down that wall
There aren't any arms
To prevent the fall

There's nothing to stop
The world spinning 'round
There's no one to pick
me up when I'm down

I wish you would look
Beyond the outside
Search for what breathes
The heart that's inside

Then maybe you'd see
What I'm all about
Maybe you'll be the one
To figure me out.

.

Am I going to be posting a best friend applicatin on here any time soon? Not very likely. I already have my Best Friend. But people were not made to be alone. So encourage me, pray for me, and maybe (just maybe) I'll be out this Friday night.

Peace out. Y

Labels: Poetry, Rant

Saturday, April 22, 2006
Catch Me When I Fall

Here are my verses for today (from Psalm 55:16-22)

I call to God;
He will help me.

At dusk, dawn, and noon I sigh
deep sighs--he hears, he rescues.

My life is well and whole, secure
in the middle of danger
Even while thousands
are lined up against me.

God hears it all, and from his judge's bench
puts them in their place.
But, set in their ways, they won't change;
they pay him no mind.

And this, my best friend, betrayed his best friends;
his life betrayed his word.

All my life I've been charmed by his speech,
never dreaming he'd turn on me.
His words, which were music to my ears,
turned to daggers in my heart.

Pile your troubles on GOD's shoulders--
he'll carry your load, he'll help you out.
He'll never let good people
topple into ruin.


CATCH ME
Catch me, Lord
When I fall
Sometimes I don't see clearly
Sometimes I don't see at all
I need Your strong hand
to guide me through
I need Your loving heart
to show me what to do

To love others unconditionally
To accept them and to forgive
To release these heavy burdens
And to begin to really live

Catch me, Lord
When I fall
Let me hear Your sweet voice
When You call
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you"
"Sow mercy as you've been given mercy"
"Love them as I have loved you"

Catch me, Lord
Catch me when I fall
.elw.

CATCH ME WHEN I FALL (lyrics from Ashlee Simpson)
Is anybody out there?
Does anybody see
That when the lights are off something's killing me

I know it seems like people care
Cause they're always around me
But when the day is done and everybody runs

Who will be the one to save me from myself?
Who will be the one who's there
And not ashamed to see me crawl?
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?

When the show is over
And it's empty everywhere
It's hard to face going back alone

So I walk around the city
Anything, anything to clear my head
I've got nowhere to go nowhere but home

Who will be the one to save me from myself?
Who will be the one who's there
And not ashamed to see me crawl?
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?

It may seem I have everything
But everything means nothing
When the ride that you've been on
That you're coming off
Leaves you feeling lost

Is anybody out there?
Does anyobdy see?
That sometimes loneliness is just a part of me

Who will be the one to save me from myself?
Who will be the one who's there
And not ashamed to see me crawl?
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?
And not ashamed to see me crawl?

Who's gonna catch me when I fall?

Labels: Lyrics, Poetry

Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Things I Knew (and things that I didn't)

Labels: Poetry

Wednesday, February 08, 2006
2 Days

I BELIEVE

There's no turning back now;
I've travelled much too far.
This journey is exhausting and I'm weak from all the pain.
When fear is all you feel
In a life lived day to day
it seems okay to run.
But time alone has shown me
that I am really not
and that I am strong no matter what.
Only three days to go now
and as I strangle for my final breath of this life
I know I'll be made new.
And I believe.

Basically, this poem is about the struggles that come up in my Spiritual journey. It will always get hard but I know now that God's pulling for me every step of the way. And I love Him.

SECRET

In times like these
we must hold on.
Not to each other, but to that thread of hope
that is the difference between you and me.
And until that day
when you let that secret slide off your lips
things will be the same.
And that secret is the truth.

So, last night me and Graham hung out together and just talked. And we wrote a song! It's not completely done but it's actually pretty good for two crazy kids. I guess because my dad's gone right now we're really learning the true meaning of family, and that every person has to play a part in keeping it together.

Labels: Poetry

Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Broken Love

You held my empty hand
and I took hold of yours.
We should have seen that like two towers
we would be demolished.
Now these winds brush
across my wreckage area of a heart
and I know that you've changed me
and we'll never be the same.
When only hope remains
and hope's what makes you hurt
it seems easy to let go but better to hold on.
Manipulation was not the key here
but as the taste of your lips it sure was desireable,
wasn't it?
"I love you" were the words you whispered in my ear
and what left me standing here
holding the pieces of a broken love.

Labels: Poetry

Monday, February 06, 2006
We'll Be Okay

As we stand here
alone at last
my hand in yours,
our eyes lock beneath the pale moonlight.
Silence hangs above:
this is different than anything we've ever known before.
This crisp November air pulls us close.
As you hold me here
I fall into a dream,
but I will never close my eyes.
No, baby I'm not runing away from this moment.
I'm not going to
fall away from this beauty,
but I'm not going to fall into it either.
With my head stitched to your chest
I'm not ready to let go,
but this love is a gamble
and the odds aren't in our favour.
And for that I'm sorry.
And even though I cannot speak or change their minds
I know we'll be okay.
We'll be okay, baby;
we'll be okay.

Labels: Poetry

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Smoke and Mirrors

Smoke and mirrors: it basically means to trick or deceive. I wrote this song about a month ago after a week full of hurt and a glimpse at something beautiful. It still needs some work, but I hope you like it!

Rainbows in December cast light
on everything we know.
The dark clouds rolling in are as green as trees
and all things are new and innocent.
This weekday revelation seems out of place
but it's another tick in the box, all the same:
and when everything around you is everything you hate
strength is your only weapon and even that won't hold out forever.

You see the thing that hurts the most
but still hold on the every hope
You think that it will come again,
but in your heart it's been the end.

But maybe not all is lost
and that is your fuel.
Holding on gets you by day to day
but it still takes its toll
There's no easy way out, it's always
lurking in the back of your mind.
So where to go from here?
There's nowhere now: leaving it all is the easiest option
It hurts to think about
Talking through smoke and mirrors, but it's still there
and it still hurts to hear
Baby, it still hurts to hear.

You see the thing that hurts the most
but still hold on to every hope;
You think that it will come again
but in your heart, it's been the end.

Falling down
but just inside
A steel facade
look in my eyes:
you'll see my heart
or its remains
That's what I want--
freedom from your pain

I see the thing that hurts the most
I still hold on the slightest hope
I wish that you would come again
But my heart knows it's been the end
It's been the end...

Labels: Poetry